I know I shouldn't...

...But I Just Can't Help Myself

If I had a pound for the amount of times that the phrase "Oh I know I shouldn't...but I just can't help myself" has been uttered in conversation around me, then I certainly would have a very heavy pocket. Temptation and curiosity is in our nature, although we all know that we shouldn't do a certain act then the idea that if we do, what is the absolute worse that can happen? Everyone in that garden wanted to taste the fruit from the tree even though they had been told that if they did everything would be different but secretly both Adam and Eve hoped that they wouldn't finally get caught. Don't have the last chocolate, don't lick the knife, don't pass go, don't collect £200. Actually, that last one is an excellent rule to a great game I take it back.

Society dictates that we should be grateful for what we have and settle for stability. Temptation, Curiosity and Envy are all emotions that the collective frowns upon. However, that daring grass is greener attitude must be justified in certain situations, but the likelihood is that they will get us all into trouble at the end of the day (I realise that I sound like a football manager). This is a good example of why if you play with fire you'll get burnt in the end...

In order to set the scene this was a few years ago when I was only the tender age of 18 and enthralled by the fast paced nature of London and all the pitfalls that goes with it. Unfortunately at the time it was all like a red rag to a bull. As I was introduced to a couple who were friend's of a friend I didn't realise that the situation would soon escalate like it did in the end. Indeed, I remember meeting them both in London. He was a young, brash and petulant little twat with about as much charisma as an earwig. The conversation never escalated beyond how great he thought that he was and indeed, how apparently others shared these sentiments. Whereas, in contrast, his girlfriend at the time was certainly very pretty and seemed to be devastatingly unhappy with the entire debacle that was their relationship. She had definitely caught my eye but when you look like that, you are going to catch everyone's attention male and female alike.

After several drinks altogether and a few nights out my opinion of the young buck didn't shift an inch. After one night out in particular, we all went back to her house perhaps about six of us to crash out after a big night painting the town red. As I slept soundly, I felt a featherlike stroke across my back that woke me up. There was Nat sitting on the side of the bed trying to get my attention:

"What the fuck are you doing?" I whispered.

She leant in and kissed me on the lips passionately. I remember it as clear as yesterday. The snow tumbling down onto the pavement outside through the half-closed curtains, my friend sighing as he slept next to me and my heart beating rapidly. As she sleaked back off to the room next door where her boyfriend lay in bed blissfully unaware I fell back asleep stunned by what had occurred.

This tryst carried on in secret over the following weeks with a couple of brief meetings around the city, as we desperately tried to keep it secret. There was no hope for this relationship as I was never really interested in her particuarly but the temptation of the entire situation captivated me and held my attention for a while at least. It was going to come to a head but I just didn't know when.

As the party carried on downstairs, I found myself locked in a spare room on the first floor of this house in Finchley with a loud banging on the locked door. My heart stopped.

Bang, Bang, Bang - Oh no.

Suddenly the most sober I have ever been, I realised the gravity of the situation. I was locked in this room with the lights off, Nat topless and the window locked so there was absolutely no route for escape. I knew exactly how Bill Clinton felt and unlike Silvio Berlusconi there was no way I could laugh off this one. As I faced the music and unlocked the door, he barged past me with a look of disbelief and anger across his face and grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the adjacent bathroom.

Cue loud shouting and unfortunately as I made my way out of the house down the stairs, I heard a full on thwack. It was that sound only made by hard skin on skin. Even thinking of it now makes my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. As I walked out, a friend stopped me briefly and then came my turn as a fist came from the side straight into my face. The earwig had just hit me full on across the jaw. I remember being surprised that it didn't hurt more, I deserved it to hurt more.

That night ended with me taking a snooze in Waterloo waiting for the first train back home and I never did speak to either of them again. Temptation and the excitement of another person's girlfriend got the better of me completely and for about a month it excited us both. It didn't end well for either involved. However, how many times has a situation arisen where an affair turns into something more, a broken relationship brings to the fore one that is happier and lasts longer. Hell, Brad Pitt ran off with Angelina and they're still going strong although with a bizarre penchant for changing the world and starting their own Cambodian orhpanage.

Is cheating wrong if it ends happily in the end? Is wanting something or someone that isn't yours wrong? Yes, cheating is wrong but running off with someonlese and being happy isn't surely. If it all ends well in the end and you finally have a meaningful relationship and end up in love, how can you say that following your feelings for that person was wrong. Perhaps temptation, curiosity and envy are good? That'll shake the establishment. Just don't try and pursue these without a planned escape route.