Desert Rat

Ploughing through the Gobi desert in your lovelife is never a good thing. We would all rather be simply ploughing, period.

The Gobi is arid, it's hot, dry and all together rude but the worst thing about being stuck in the middle of the desert is there is absolutely no way out for miles around. No train timetables to look at, no cabs just around the corner, nope you're stuck there until one day you keep on trucking and just over the ridge will be some type of civilization. In this analogy I am imagining an old Western cowboy town, where John Wayne would be walking through the streets awkwardly as if he had a pineapple tucked snuggly up his arse. Then as you come round the corner, hopefully you'll be saved by a massive sign with the words tattoed on it "You are now entering Fannybrough. Please drive carefully through our village".

How long until you re-virginise? You know, let's say someone hasn't had nothing more than a cheeky dick flick in the last coupla months, do they then suddenly revert back to the days before A-Levels or if you're from Glasgow, pre 11+. Sorry Glasgow, actually you all can hardly read and will be under about ten feet of snow so you've got bigger problems. Anyways, one digresses on the more trivial aspects of life. Who rights the book on how long is too long?

In the back of each and every one of our minds we all know what is just a purple patch and when it becomes a touch more than that. How do we all know this? Society tells us but not overtly, it's not publicised through the media and it isn't pushed at us all in schools or in textbooks. Then, how do we know what the optimum time is between relationships? Between shags? Between cheeky snogs?

"THEY" tell us. No-one has ever figured out who the these mysterious "THEY" are. Is it the same group who create these crazy urban myths that circulate like if you have sex with a girl ontop then the sperm can't swin upstream and therefore she can't get pregnant or that Prince Harry does coke with a dollar bill because he doesn't want the guilt of doing drugs off of his grand-mother's face. Probably.

With a final sentiment: how long is too long? If I could ask "They" I would. Actually whilst I'm there I might ask them why the Easter Bunny gives everyone oversize eggs from a finely made whicker basker. Surely it should be a chicken?! Where the fuck did the rabbit come from!